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Hi! Welcome to Walmart - My Name is Hal.

by e(5)
Dhammabucha Rocksprings Meditation

“Your voice sounds familiar Hal?”

“Remember the movie 2001- A Space Odyssey? That was me, the computer robot! I’m retired now.”

“Oh. I see. Well, this is our first time in the store since the remodel. Wow, things have changed! What happened to the old greeter, you know, Joe the Plumber?”

“Oh yeah, Joe. Sad story. Just after President Palin cancelled Social Security and Medicare and suspended all corporate taxes, Walmart closed down for the remodel which they now could afford because they had lots more money to play with, and laid everyone off. So now Joe lives behind the building here in a cardboard box. People give him handouts sometime. Why don’t you take him an orange or something?”

“Good idea, we will. Wow, I see what you mean, whatever happened to all the stock clerks? I don’t see anyone around.”

“Yes, isn’t it wonderful? Everything is automated now. Underneath the floor here is a gazillion conveyor belts all feeding the stock shelves. My buddies are down there, my fellow computer robots, efficiently and quickly stocking each conveyor belt and changing the prices. Notice the electronic price signs on the shelves?”

“Well, how often do they change the prices?”

“It’s ingenious. We have computerized information on all the mom and pop stores in town and we instantaneously make sure that all of our prices are always low enough to eventually drive them out of business.” Our stockholders love it.”

“But how about customer service?”

“No problem Mr. customer, there are kiosks all over the store. Just email your problem.”

“But how about returns?”

“Well, we have found that returns really don’t positively affect our bottom line, so we cancelled that policy. However, if you insist, you can UPS anything back to Walmart headquarters and hope for the best.”

“I don’t know, Hal. I don’t even see checkout lanes!”

“No checkout lanes! Clever yes? Just walk under one of the twenty two arches where your face will be recorded, and your items will be scanned automatically (even the stuff hidden in your pockets, hahaha). Then just swipe your card, and if it is approved, the outer door opens to let you and your merchandise out.”

“But what if my card is declined?”

“Then the outer door doesn’t open until you return and replace all the merchandise where it belongs. You have to take personal responsibility here, Mr. Customer, we don’t have people to wait on you hand and foot. This is not a welfare store, hahaha.”

“Hmmm, maybe I should shop somewhere else.”

“Can’t do that, Sir. With gas prices at $50.00 a gallon, you can’t afford to shop anywhere but Walmart. And you know it Mr. Customer.

“Have a great day.”

   

E. Raymond Rock (anagarika eddie) is a meditation teacher at the DhammaRocksprings Theravada Buddhist Hermitage:  dhammarocksprings.org  and author of “A Year to Enlightenment: http://www.amazon.com/Year-Enlightenment-Steps-Enriching-Living/dp/1564148912   His 33 years of meditation experience has taken him across four continents including two stopovers in Thailand where he practiced in the remote northeast forests as an ordained Theravada Buddhist monk.

He lived at Wat Pah Nanachat under Ajahn Chah, at Wat Pah Baan Taad under Ajahn Maha Boowa, and at Wat Pah Daan Wi Weg under Ajahn Tui. He had been a postulant at Shasta Abbey, a Zen Buddhist monastery in northern California under Roshi Kennett; and a Theravada Buddhist anagarika at both Amaravati Monastery in the UK and Bodhinyanarama Monastery in New Zealand, both under Ajahn Sumedho. The author has meditated with the Korean Master Sueng Sahn Sunim; with Bhante Gunaratana at the Bhavana Society in West Virginia; and with the Tibetan Master Trungpa Rinpoche in Boulder, Colorado. He has also practiced at the Insight Meditation Society in Barre, Massachusetts, and the Zen Center in San Francisco.

      

             

 

       




Article submitted Saturday, June 18, 2011 & read 3125 times.

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» left by Gregory Lewis (241 days 20 hours ago.)
Reader Rating: 5 out of 5
I like the level of expressiveness allowed under these new sister sites. Your future vision frightened me. Perhaps the most frightening, but certainly the most fictional element was the President Palin part. Of course, you probably mean Sarah's grandson President Trig Palin, the new new new darling of the ultra right because he does everything in the predictable lockstep his party elders dictate to him.
 
"even what's in your pockets" - ha! It's stories like this that make me even want to give up my bicycle and walk.
» left by david from magnolia, texas (240 days 9 hours ago.)
Reader Rating: 5 out of 5
What amazes me the most is that you have so many people complaining about these morbid circumstances and then they go into the voting booth and vote for the same people who come right out to their face and tell them they are going to exacerbate these corporate friendly policies. If this is not a perfect example of mass psychosis, what is?
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