Religion and Faith Development
by James P Krehbiel(2)Krehbiel Counseling
Religion and spiritual expression can either bind people or free them from the shackles that have haunted them. Some time ago, a woman called me looking for a therapist. She wanted a Christian therapist. I indicated that I would be more than willing to see her, and if she had spiritual concerns I would be open to addressing them. After several minutes of exploration on the phone, she asked, “Do you attend church every Sunday?” Unfortunately, I did not meet the litmus test as a good Christian counselor and she hung up on me.
This is religion at its worst. In my opinion, this type of belief orientation has nothing to do with spiritual growth and development. It has more to do with strict adherence to rules and beliefs that have been internalized without much thought. Many people would rather cling safely to their religious dogma, rather than give creative thought to ways of opening themselves to spiritual truth.
A young girl, who I have worked with in counseling, decided she needed some help with her religious thinking. This was a courageous step, since there was no room for reflection in her church tradition. Doubting religious beliefs was not an option in her church, and yet she had plenty of well thought-out questions. I believe that an authentic spiritual quest requires the examination of the pillars of our faith. In fact, questioning one’s faith traditions is a necessary ingredient in order to move us to a more mature level of faith development. Adolescence is a transitional period for such exploration. Most children may no longer be able to internalize their parent’s religious beliefs without following a process of honest exploration of the concepts foundational to their faith. This process is a part of growing up. This is what separation and individuation are all about - t hat is, the honest grappling with difficult ideas passed down from parents or a house of worship and coming to an epiphany about what appears to spiritually fit.
People who have an underdeveloped (immature) faith system feel the need to cling to strict guidelines and dogma to maintain a sense of security. They never venture out to question or challenge beliefs that have been passed down to them from family and church. They unreservedly believe certain prinicples even though they may be in conflict with their own understanding or experience of how the world works. Many of my clients have been told by spiritual leaders that there is a simple answer for every problem. It would be nice if complex issues could be solved that easily, but they can’t. People who are looking for easy answers may ultimately be disillusioned because a comforting response is not available - g uilt and disappointment follow.
Often, people believe you must have a religious answer for every human dilemma. However, easy answers often take the mystery out of life. Sometimes we are unable to reconcile our beliefs with our personal reality. Our beliefs may dictate one thing and our experience may tell us something quite the contrary. Learning to live with spiritual ambiguity is necessary if we are to move forward in our faith development. Rather than live with the tension created by ambiguity and paradox, some of us try to fit our conflicting reality into a preconeived set of beliefs. One may feel safer embracing our beliefs over our personal reality, but the process lacks authenticity. This departure from seeking any reconciliation between our beliefs and our experience may lead to more conflict and confusion. We may even become angry, retorting, “Why do I see reality so differently from the way I was taught to believe - I feel duped.”
Living with spiritual paradox, ambiguity, and polarities is necessary if we are to stay reality-based. We must hold everything in tension. People sometimes complain that they wish that they could go back to the days when problems appeared more black and white. However, there is no going back. As John Dean exclaimed during the Watergate hearings, once you make things conscious “you can squeeze the toothpaste out of the tube, but you can’t get it back in again.” One must live with all of the struggles that go with facing our experience without distorting it with faulty beliefs. This is what it means to be spiritually authentic.
James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC is an author, freelance writer, and cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale , Arizona . His personal growth book, Stepping Out of the Bubble is available www.booklocker.com . His new work, The Search for Adulthood is being published by New Horizon Press. James can be reached at www.krehbielcounseling.com .
Article submitted Friday, May 08, 2009 & read 1578 times.
Leave Your Comments:
» left by Tex Norman(121)(1 year 123 days ago.)
Thanks James. You always have an interesting and compassion oriented point of view. I have my own struggles with faith, but it is good to know that there is someone out there comforting and guiding those who are still open to comforting, and yearning for just a little rational, faith FILLED guidance.Respond to this comment
» left by Rich Nicastro from Las Cruces, NM (1 year 122 days ago.)
Hi James,great points made in a very accessible way. I couldn't agree more that growth (emotional, spiritual) occurs when we learn to tolerate and accept the ambiguities and conflicting realities that exist. Thanks for raising my consciousness! ~RichRespond to this comment
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